Lehi exhorted his sons to keep the commandments of the Lord. His sons who rebelled against everything he believed in. Those young men who were so far away from choosing the right, that they tried to kill their brother, Nephi ~ several times! I can only imagine how hard it would be to be the parent of a rebellious child (teenager or adult) ~ especially THAT rebellious. Our daughter is only 4. She listens to her parents (for the most part), and mirrors the choices that we make. She chooses wisely, because she wants to have rewarding results. We try to be selective of which battles we take on with her, and at her age she still trusts us. The more independent she wants to become, the more we see how her desire to listen to us and trust us becomes less and less. My husband and I have adopted the parenting style of "Love and Logic". We believe that natural consequences are much better teachers than any other form of teaching or preaching or disciplining. It also takes the pressure of personal responsibility away from us and gives it to her, where it belongs.
We have both watched her learn and turn away from bad choices much quicker and longer lasting when she understands choice and accountability and consequences. She knows that we love her ~ no matter what, and that it's choices that bring happiness or unhappiness, not lack of love or respect from us. For the most part, she gets to choose her actions, but she doesn't get to choose the consequences. That is also how God works too but on a much grandeur scale. His love for us in unconditional, but consequences are inseparably connected with choices.
In my naivety, I have always believed that if our children feel loved by us, they will trust us and follow our lead. But that thinking can lead to despair and devastation if their choices don't turn out to be what we expect them to be. God loves us. We feel His love. How does that effect our choices? Sometimes it doesn't. Laman and Lemuel show us that love or lack of love from their parents has nothing to do with their choices. They still get to choose like we do, and sometimes their choices are not what we want them to make. Lehi is a great example of a parent who doesn't give up his role of being a loving parent; exhorting with tenderness, praying for them, making the choices that he wants them to make, preaching to them and then letting go (see 1 Nephi 8:37, 38). Do the choices that our kids make have anything to do with our parenting abilities? God knows, ask Him.
1. I have a fam'ly here on earth.
They are so good to me.
I want to share my life with them through all eternity.
(Chorus)
Fam'lies can be together forever
Through Heav'nly Father's plan.
I always want to be with my own family,
And the Lord has shown me how I can.
The Lord has shown me how I can.
2. While I am in my early years,
I'll prepare most carefully,
So I can marry in God's temple for eternity.
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